I'm a college-aged woman. I consider myself to be a Christian. I know we all hear about how no one is perfect and everyone struggles and God loves us anyway, etc etc. Fine. But for the most part, you hear people's triumphs. You hear a quick tale of how much they supposedly struggled, but they had faith and God was there, etc etc.
…So what about when you struggle with faith? I feel like people ask the same questions, and get the same half-ass answers and in my mind, that's why so many people turn away from God. Because we're all sick of hearing the same weightless, religious fluff that's supposed to be "comforting".
I suppose part of my reason for writing is that I also don't want to be one of those sarcastic, outspoken cynics. I don't want to be just another voice about how the church is unfair and "I was raised Christian until I realized how awful they all are" type of stories. I don't want to be a cynic.
I want to/do believe that there is a God. That this world has a creator, an artist, and he has a presence. That he loves us so much he became one of us just to know you and me. That he died, and then he rose again. That every day he calls to me to come to him, and that every day he takes me exactly how I am and loves me and listens to me, and works in my life. I see Him, in nature and in people, and in stories, and in music. I feel a presence, I feel truth. I am not a cynic.
But I have questions. I have reservations. I have concerns. So mostly, this is the story of my daily struggle to reconcile what my heart feels as truth, with what my mind criticizes. It's a story of one soul trying to find my way home.
And I suppose I also hope that it makes someone, somewhere, feel a little better. That we all don't just wake up every day going "gosh, I just hear God constantly and know exactly what everything means and what he wants and I have zero questions and I would NEVER question my faith".
Because I honestly don't think that's true.
So here's one testimony, here's me writing down all the real-life questions from a college age girl in the 21st century about Jesus.
I think if you haven't questioned your faith, maybe you haven't thought hard enough about it.
Because the whole thing is pretty nuts.
It's beautiful,
but kinda nuts.
So, it won't always be sweet or endearing or full of hope and encouragement and light.
It also won't always be "I hate the world" style, either.
I'm just a person, sometimes I even change my mind.
The only thing it will always be is sincere.
Welcome to my heart.
